By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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