the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.