Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.