when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.