i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
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you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent