See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual