Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.