she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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