I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
