We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
