I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
