I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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