I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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