my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
