that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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