it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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