sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I want to be your penis for a week.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
