I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
