he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
