he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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