whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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