this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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