i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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