Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
