he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
