i permit you to call me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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