my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
