So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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