what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
