Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
