Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
