it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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