So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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