K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
