Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize