so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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