fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
