look no pants
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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