Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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