1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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