So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I deserve this hangover.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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