dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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