just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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