So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
