I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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