either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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