I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
