Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
