john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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