Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize