My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
