never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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