MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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