did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
