I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
