She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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