he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
