Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
