Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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