remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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