There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
