so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
