I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
