shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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