Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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