I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
