dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
