I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
