Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
