I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
