He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mom said you looked used
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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