Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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