Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
