so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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