Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
