I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize