the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
