The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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