So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
