Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pappa wants mamma naked
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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