All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
