So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
